How Would Jesus Want Us to Celebrate Christmas?

If Jesus could come back and see our Christmas celebrations, what would he make of them? What would the humble carpenter from Nazareth think of all this praise of his birth? What would he think of the gifts, the carols, the lights, the feasts? How would he feel about the commercialism? Would he even want us to celebrate Christmas, and if so, how?

We could speculate endlessly on the answers to these tantalizing questions. Yet if you believe that Jesus wrote A Course in Miracles, the answers are not so mystifying. For in the Course he discusses the celebration of Christmas (specifically, in sections IX through XI of Chapter 15 of the Text, from which all quotes will be unless otherwise identified). He does not dwell on criticizing our current way of celebrating Christmas. All he says is “you know not how to do it” (IX.8:5), and then launches into his idea of how we should celebrate, an idea that bears literally no resemblance to how we celebrate now.

To understand his idea, we must first understand another idea he puts forth: that we have totally confused love and fear, two concepts which are mutually exclusive. In our eyes, love is synonymous with making sacrifices on behalf of the beloved. And that is exactly what we expect from our loved ones, right? We expect them to show their love by sacrificing for us, by expending time and energy and passion and money on us. Yet sacrifice is loss, and so to demand that our loved ones sacrifice for us is to demand that they lose for our sake. If that is what love is, then love is “inseparable from attack and fear” (X.4:3); to be intensely loved is to be sucked dry. No wonder we run from love. This dire state of affairs prompts this unequivocal statement: “You who believe that sacrifice is love must learn that sacrifice is separation from love” (XI.1:1).

This confusion of love and sacrifice affects more than our human relationships; it is actually the root of our separation from God. If love demands sacrifice then what would God’s absolute Love demand? The answer is obvious: “Total love would demand total sacrifice” (X.5:2). If a human lover will drain us dry, then God’s Love will utterly devour us, or so we think. Therefore, in the dim beginning, to keep ourselves from being swallowed up, we cast God away from us. We also cast all of Heaven out, including all of our brothers. We severed our awareness of our oneness with all reality, to protect ourselves from what we saw as love’s devouring hurricane.

The result, of course, is that we feel all alone, “incomplete and lonely” (XI.1:8). What else did we expect? Yet, feeling this way, the last thing we want to admit is that we did this to ourselves. That would feel awful. And so, instead, we try to pin it on our brothers. They put us in this condition of being incomplete and lonely. They took away our oneness with the All. And they did it with all their demands for sacrifice, all their expectations that we prove our love by pouring ourselves out for them. They did it with their smothering love. They sucked us dry until any sense of completion we had was replaced by an empty void.

The only logical course now seems to be to turn the tables. Their love stole completion from us, so now we must go out and grab love from them. If we can find enough willing partners, and successfully demand that they sacrifice for us, we can be filled up again. This is the game of human relationships, the game of getting the love we want. How can I get love from you without having to expend too much on you? How can I get filled up by you without you turning around and draining me dry? It is really a taking game—I am trying to take something from you, which is clearly an attack. But I feel justified in this, because you and your kind have already taken so much from me. The Course captures this dynamic tersely by saying you “perceive yourself as a victim of sacrifice, justified in sacrificing others” (XI.2:2).

The Christmas season is, of course, a hotbed of this dynamic. Demands for sacrifice—which we normally call by the more neutral name “expectations”—are rarely thicker, heavier and harder to decipher than at Christmastime. We expect our “loved” ones to come and share this time with us (rather than with someone else), to bring the right gifts for us and the right food for dinner, to set aside our painful past, and for one day abide with us in the timeless, rosy glow of the perfectly staged family portrait. In essence, we expect them for this one day to conform to some fantasy ideal that they cannot possibly manage to live up to the rest of the year. And we feel the same expectation from them. There is thus the pressure coming from us and the pressure coming at us. Though Jesus does not say it, I think he probably views our Christmas as a celebration of the demand for sacrifice.

Yet, ironically, Jesus was born to free us from the idea of sacrifice. In these sections (specifically, in XI.4) Jesus explains the purpose of his birth. It is easy to miss the full import of this explanation unless you see it in light of the paragraphs preceding it. In that light, his explanation amounts to this: Jesus was born to overturn our fundamental belief that the demands of others have deprived us of our completion, which lies in our oneness with reality. What a novel interpretation of the purpose of his life! To understand how he accomplished this purpose we must look to the end of his life. His crucifixion was a stark picture of a man literally surrounded by the most vicious demands for sacrifice. In the end, these demands exacted the ultimate toll: the sacrifice of his body. Yet, even though his body died, he still remained in communication with his followers (in his resurrected state). In spite of his death, his joining with his brothers was unbroken. In short, the demanded sacrifice of his body had no affect on his oneness with other minds (see XI.4:2-3).

He was giving us a parable. As with all parables, we are meant to identify with the main figure. If we do, the message of the parable becomes simple: No matter how severe are the demands for sacrifice around us—even to the point of calling for our death—they cannot take from us our native oneness with all minds. That oneness is still there, unaffected by all the demands that have ever been laid on us, patiently waiting for us to accept it. And only that oneness will fill the hole we have been trying to fill by demanding love from other people.

Therefore, we can let them off the hook. We can release them from our tyrannical expectations. That is exactly what Jesus did in his crucifixion. By responding without defense or protest, he was in essence saying, “I place no demands on how you treat me.” This is another way of talking about the message of the crucifixion (see T-6.I), and this is why the crucifixion resulted in the resurrection (see T-6.I.6:3). This is how he awakened beyond the ego’s strictures into the full realization of his oneness with all minds.

And this, as you may guess, is how he wants us to celebrate Christmas—by doing what he did, by releasing others from our demand that they sacrifice in order to make us feel loved. His whole discussion of Christmas, in fact, leads up to him giving us a practice for releasing others, a practice meant to be the core of our new celebration of Christmas.

To do this practice, we need to identify someone on whom we have placed demands, perhaps the demand that she love us in the way we want, or apologize for some past misdeed, or change her ways and become a better person. Perhaps we should pick someone on whom we have laid “Christmas demands”—that he show up on Christmas, or give us a better gift than last year, or help out with dinner more. Having identified this person, let us now silently speak the following lines to him or her, slowly and intentionally. I’ll comment on each line separately in order to draw out its meaning:

I give you to the Holy Spirit, as part of myself. (XI.7:5)

This means that, rather than keeping you imprisoned in the jail of my demands, I release you into the freedom of the Holy Spirit. Rather than clutching you in my fist, I surrender you into His hands. This can seem frightening, as if I am saying goodbye. But I am giving you to Him “as part of myself.” You and I are one. I am placing you within the freedom that is my true home as well.

I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. (XI.7:6)

If only I released you from the burden of my demands, you would be free. And I would do so eagerly the instant I realized that my demands have imprisoned not just you, but both of us. The chains I sought to lay on you were laid on me as well.

In the name of my freedom, I will your release,
Because I recognize that we will be released together. (XI.7:7)

I release you from all my expectations, all the roles I assigned to you, all the hoops I trained you to jump through. I do this to release us both.

I recommend practicing this with everyone we have expectations of this Christmas. Let this inner practice be our true Christmas celebration, whatever we do on the outside. If we can say these words and truly mean them, we will enter into a holy instant in which we experience the unlimited oneness which is our true completion. From this instant we will go forth into a different future, in which we would rather free people from their chains than lay more on. And that is what Christmas is supposed to be: a quiet, holy time from which is born not only a new year, but a new kind of year. It is meant to be a time in which we celebrate the real purpose of Jesus’ birth by letting that purpose be fulfilled in us.


Choose someone you have a lot of expectations of, especially at this time of year.

What are the demands you have made on this person? What are some of the things you expect of him or her, particularly at this time of year? Try to be as honest as you can.

What are the demands this person would claim you have laid on him or her?

Is there some truth in these claims?

Can you see that your demands have imprisoned this person?

Can you see that your demands have imprisoned you? If so, how?

Do you have some degree of belief that to be loved is to be asked to make sacrifices, that if someone loves you that person will want something from you? Looking over the course of your life, what taught you this belief?

Is it possible that this belief was taught to you by your demands?

Is it possible that you do not experience God because you are afraid of His total Love, due to your belief that “total love would demand total sacrifice”?

Could it not be, then, that what has pushed God away from you is your own demanding love, because it has caused you to believe that His Love would be a monstrous version of yours?

Practice for Releasing Another from the Demand for Sacrifice

I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself. I surrender you into His hands. But this does not mean that we separate. You are part of me; we are both in His hands.
I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. The only thing that could keep you from being released is me wanting to imprison you, but that would imprison me, too.
In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together. I choose your release because I know that in doing so I choose our release.


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Or you may be interested in delving deeper into A Course in Miracles.