By Jeanne Sanner
It took me three tries to get off the couch – not because of bad knees or a bad back or a bad headache, but because of a bad depression. Infidelity can do that to a person. I knew I had to get off the couch and do something – anything – so I slowly shuffled to the kitchen, opened the dishwasher, and picked up a glass to put in the cupboard. But try as I might, I could not put the glass in the cupboard. I just couldn’t do it. I just stood there staring at the glass in my hand as if in a fog. Finally, I put the glass back in the dishwasher and closed it, returned to the couch, and sank into a vortex of sorrow and confusion. Depression can be sooooo debilitating.
Several days… or months later – in this realm time warped like a Salvador Dali clock – I found myself holding Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love. I honestly don’t know how it came to be in my hands. We did not have Amazon.com in 1993 and we didn’t live near a bookstore. My guess was that Laura, my partner of 15 years, was regretting her decision to have an affair and picked it up at the grocery store. It was a wonderful book. It became the grain of sand that led to the pearl that is A Course in Miracles (the Course).
My soul needed healing. Laura and I were still together, but I was like a fractured mannequin trying to find the spiritual cement to patch me back together again; the Course turned out to be so much more than that: a salve that not only healed, but also eradicated all scars.
The Introduction to the A Course in Miracles says:
The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. [CE In.1:6-7]
When I read that, I knew I was being introduced to something very special. As I allowed the echoes of the awareness to reverberate throughout my body: “love’s presence is my natural inheritance,” “love’s presence is my natural inheritance,” “love’s presence is my natural inheritance,” “love’s presence is my natural inheritance,” I began to feel a healing vibration, which filled me with hope.
The Introduction ends with:
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God. [CE In.2:2-4]
I felt a tremendous power in the words, “Herein lies the peace of God.” The peace of God was what I wanted, what I needed. But how could I tell what was real and what was unreal? I stopped reading, closed the book, and took a deep, soothing, relaxing breath, confident that, in time, I would come to know.
I devoured the Text (the theory), only digesting about 35%, but that was enough for me to commit to doing the Workbook (the practice). It took a little over a year. There were some lessons I wanted to re-do and some I wanted to just marinate in before moving on, but I basically stuck to the schedule of one lesson a day. I put my teaching job at a private college on hold to give myself time to heal. With that time and the Course, which is a magnificent physician, my journey to becoming whole again was well on its way.
When I re-read the Text after completing the Workbook, I realized I had gained a remarkable awareness of what was real and what was unreal, and in that understanding did indeed lie the peace of God.
Over the years, the Course unveiled to me the truth of who I am. It taught me self-love, self-respect, love for others, and the power of forgiveness. I have been teaching Course classes now for 16 years. I never get tired of sharing its wisdom, its freedom, and its divine love.
There is a wonderful ending to my story: That “little bump” in the road, as I see it now, became a fabulous blessing. All the pain is gone and only the love remains. Now I can get off the couch and empty the dishwasher with ease and joy. I’ve done a lot of growing and so has Laura, and we have now been together for 44 very happy years. We were officially married in 2008 in Southern California.
Shakespeare once said, “All’s well that ends well,” but I think that the ending really depends on the path you take. A Course in Miracles is my path… and all is well.
* This story is an excerpt from Jeanne’s book: “Finding Unconditional Love a Little Peace at a Time”.
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Or you may be interested in delving deeper into A Course in Miracles.
