By Derek Isetti
The story of my discovery of the Course is rather unconventional.
My parents divorced when I was 2. I lived with my mom up through the 5th grade. She was a non-traditionalist, grew up in the 60s, attended college in San Francisco, was open-minded and part of an eclectic circle of feminist friends and free thinkers. By the time I came into the world, she had long since moved beyond her Catholic roots.
My mother must have instilled some sense of spirituality in me as a young child, because I clearly remember our ritual of nightly prayers: “Please God send a burst of love to my parents and surround my family and friends with healing light to protect them from harm.” My mother’s friends described me as an “old soul” because I asked questions such as, “Why are we here?” and “What is life all about?” Pretty deep thoughts for a kid.
I moved in with my dad at the beginning of my 6th grade and stayed with him through high school. There happened to be a Catholic elementary school just two blocks from his house, so that was probably the reason why he sent me there. During that time, I tried serving as an altar boy, but didn’t really get the concept. I remember the priest’s horrified look when I referred to the consecrated host as a “cookie” and kept bringing the water and wine over to him at the wrong times during mass.
My eclectic childhood consisted of multiple moves, the smell of incense, vegetarian meals and a nontraditional daycare center run by a drag queen. While other boys were collecting baseball cards, I was collecting crystals for my meditation altar. I studied astrology and calculated my birth chart. One time at some sort of New Age festival, I begged my mother to have a special photo taken of me at a booth that would supposedly reveal the color of my aura. Turns out my closest match was to that of a golden retriever. “Great, I’m as spiritual as a dog.”
Even though my mother didn’t enjoy reading, she accumulated a lot of books. I remember seeing books by Ram Das, Kahlil Gibran and Melody Beattie on her bookshelf, along with a mysterious blue book that I later realized was A Course in Miracles (the Course). She never actually practiced the Course or spoke to me about it. It just sat there gathering dust.
That early pull towards spirituality waned during my high school years. Like most teenagers, I was more focused on trying to fit in with my peers rather than contemplating the meaning of life. To say that I was goal oriented would be an understatement. I followed the ego’s dictates and accomplished things through sheer force of will. Although I wasn’t the smartest or most popular kid in my class, I was by far the most driven and became the Student Body President of my high school the same year that I was Class Valedictorian.
After college, I moved to New York City to pursue a career in musical theater, working my way up from regional theater to national tours to taking the final bow in a Broadway show. When that wasn’t enough, I decided to close that chapter and abandon those skills entirely to get a master’s degree followed by a doctoral degree. I was a textbook case of someone who thought that some sort of worldly success would define my worth. Yet my fascination with God stuff continued to linger at the periphery.
I don’t remember exactly why or when I decided to start reading the Course. I think curiosity finally got the best of me on one particular visit to my mother for the holidays, and I plucked the dusty blue hardback from her bookshelf. Before this, several other books had crossed my path that acted as steppingstones to the Course, such as Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh and The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle. While these texts pale in comparison to the profound teachings in the Course, they did at least draw me back to that fundamental question of my childhood: “Why are we here?” I started with the Foundation for Inner Peace edition of the Course and focused on the Workbook. At first, I made the mistake of many newbies in thinking that it was a “self-study” program. Later I joined a couple of Facebook groups that were devoted to the Course, but the people didn’t seem especially kind or loving. It wasn’t until I discovered the Circle of Atonement (the Circle) that my love for the Course really took root. I began by listening to Emily and Robert’s podcasts on Spotify. Then I took the plunge, buying the Complete and Annotated Edition of the Course (CE) and becoming a member of Course Companions.
Perhaps that’s why my early study of the Course was such a blur in my mind. It was only when I discovered Course Companions and the CE that my black and white world turned to color, in the same way I imagine an astronaut who has spent his life looking up at the sky must feel when he finally sets foot on the moon – truly connected.
Has there been a transformation in my life since joining this community? Just a small one: I now have an entirely different reason for living! Prior to studying the CE, my life was first and foremost about me. I never had kids, hadn’t married, so each day was devoted to “The Derek Show”: Getting my own needs met and making sure that my life was comfortable. The Course flipped that mindset on its head. My motivation now for waking up each day is to express love to others and be a miracle worker in the world.
I used to think that I needed to take control of my own destiny. After embarking on this path of study and committing my life to Course principles, my worldview is forever changed. I’m trying to trust that whatever assortment of abilities I may have cultivated over the years might be used for others rather than myself. Course students hope to find their “special function” in the world, a role that was designed just for them to fill. I honestly don’t know how the Holy Spirit is going to use me, since my entire life was essentially spent following the ego’s dictates and trying to seek perfection in all tasks. Allowing things to unfold isn’t something that comes easily to me. But the more that I make the Course the focus of my life, the more I trust that the details will gently fall into place.
Although my future is still unclear, Course Companions has been the blessing that I never saw coming. The material contained in the CE contains knowledge that has the power to change the world and shape future generations. When that powerful knowledge is lovingly taught and conveyed by individuals like Robert, Emily, and Mary Anne, I can’t help but feel like I’ve come home. When they speak, it’s as if I’ve known them all my life. The Text contains an ancient melody that I know in my heart we are all meant to sing. The teachers at Course Companions make that melody accessible and inspire me to share that same song with all those I have yet to meet.
I may not remember exactly how the Course first came into my life, but in retrospect, it’s of no real consequence. It’s not the how or when that’s the important part of my story, only that it came. And now that it has arrived, I can’t imagine my life without it.
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