By Diann Bertucci
I know the Course tells us to turn over not just our biggest problems but the small issues as well. I have struggled to surrender either, but I am making progress. The bigger the problem, the more I have begun to think, “Well, what do I have to lose turning this over to Holy Spirit?”
And so, one morning, I found myself at work completely at a loss for what to do. It was a thorny problem. My boss had called me and said, “Make this go away.” He was irritated with a mother who demanded we drop a book from our study list. At the time, I was working as the supervisor of English teachers for a large public school system. My irate superintendent explained that one of my teachers had assigned a science fiction novel, The Martian Chronicles, to her 8th-grade class. An angry mother had called him to express concern that her daughter, the only Black child in the class, was very upset with one of the stories about a group of Black people who were fed up with racism and decided to finance their own rocket ship to Mars to start a new life. As far as I could tell, her main objection was that the N-word was used. According to my boss, the mother demanded that this book be removed from the curriculum. If we did not comply, she was going to call her friend, a reporter at the local newspaper, who would write an article informing the community of the controversy.
I was irritated when my boss dropped this problem into my lap. I knew this book and thought it was terrific. The N-word was spoken by white racists who were angered at Black folk’s audacity to leave Earth without asking permission, just when states were starting to pass anti-lynching laws and repeal poll tax restrictions.
What is wrong with this woman? Doesn’t she realize that this story was written in the 1940s and was a critical commentary on the systematic racism and segregationist attitudes in the Jim Crow South? That the white people in this story were depicted as clearly ignorant and foolish? That this story was written many years before Rosa Parks and the Civil Rights movement? Did she even read the story?
Frustrated, I picked up the phone and started to punch in her number, rehearsing the arguments I would say to prove how wrong she was. But something told me to hang up. I needed to do my inner work first or this would blow up and would take up far more of my time. I had learned the hard way that trying to solve big problems on my own rarely worked and usually just made matters worse. I had learned that thoughts mattered.
So, I hung up, called on the Holy Spirit, and imagined the woman sitting in front of me as I said, “Give me your blessing, holy Son of God. I would behold you with the eyes of Christ and see my perfect sinlessness in you.” And for a few moments, I felt my anger dissolve, and a feeling of peace replaced the irritation.
Then I called her. After I introduced myself, I simply listened to her concerns without offering advice or correction. She told me about her child’s embarrassment sitting in this class listening to the teacher read portions out loud that used the N-word. I told her that her child did not have to finish reading the book or stay in class while it was being discussed. I told her I would talk to the teacher who would allow the girl to read a different novel. She thanked me for that and said I was the first person within the district that she felt really listened to her concerns. But she then informed me that, in addition, I must remove this book from the curriculum. If not, she would go to the press.
I told her I would have to think about that and that I would call her back the following week. I felt my heart beat faster and my hands sweat. What was I going to do? In some ways, it would be easier to simply remove the book. Hardly any teachers chose it anymore, and we had plenty of other great books to teach. But I knew I couldn’t do that. It would be dishonest, not to mention how it would anger my teachers and set a bad precedent in the community. I had too much work to do and just didn’t have time for this nonsense!
“O.K. God,” I prayed. “I surrender. I have no idea what to do here. But I know you have the perfect solution. I need a miracle here. I give this problem to you knowing it will be solved.” What did I have to lose? I had no solution that would satisfy the mother and my teachers. And to be honest, I had no idea how anyone, including God, could solve this problem.
A few days later, I found myself sitting in a self-hypnosis class that I had signed up for months ago. The instructor told us to think about a problem we were currently having a difficult time solving. We were supposed to describe it to our partners and then engage our sense modalities to visualize it clearly. My assigned partner happened to be a woman who was a former superintendent of a neighboring school district. When I told her my issue, she smiled and informed me that she had had the same problem only with Huckleberry Finn. A mother had complained about the N-word and what she thought was the racist depiction of Jim, the runaway slave. She too wanted it removed.
I was speechless! What were the chances that I would find a person who had the exact same problem! I knew this was the work of the Holy Spirit and eagerly asked my partner what she had done. She told me she had contacted two Black professors at a neighboring university and asked them to do a workshop for the English teachers on how to sensitively teach books with racial themes so that all students would gain an understanding of deep racial problems. And she told me it worked! The professors taught their workshop, the teachers loved it, and the Black community responded positively.
I was overjoyed! I knew this was the answer to my prayer. The next morning, I called one of the professors. It was 8:00 AM and I didn’t think he would be in his office so early. But he answered. I explained who I was, what the problem was, and was he available to come to my district to give the same workshop to my 6-12 English teachers? He agreed immediately, and said he would contact his colleague as well. I made arrangements for him to come, secured the financing, and informed my teachers, who were cautiously optimistic.
Then, as promised, I called back the mother. I explained the plan and invited her, her reporter friend, and anyone else in the community who wanted to attend the workshop. She heartily agreed. Do I have to say that the workshop was an overwhelming success for all parties concerned? My teachers valued the information learned; my superintendent was relieved the problem went away; the mother was impressed with the workshop and thanked me many times; and the reporter wrote a glowing article in the local newspaper! And even I, who just wanted the problem solved, was moved by our speaker’s description of how tricky it was to read hateful words written from another era in the context of the time they were written. In the end, there were no losers – the signature of the Holy Spirit. A win, win, win!
Driving home that afternoon, I was filled with thanks and praise for the divine help. A perfect solution to a difficult problem. I knew that the turning point had been the moment I hung up the phone and saw the mother as holy and not an annoyance. Why, I wondered, did I not choose love when confronted with situations I did not know how to solve? And I knew the answer even though it was difficult to face. On some ego level, it felt good to hate, to feel righteous indignation, to fight the good fight! That was the real problem – recognizing this inner hatred and then having the humility to ask the Holy Spirit’s help to transform it.
I still have trouble turning over the little things. What should I wear today? God must have better things to do. But I’ve taken a big step in at least recognizing there is help when I am overwhelmed when I am angry or irritated and have no clue. God can see how to solve problems so everyone benefits.
__________________________________________________________
You will see miracles through your hands through me. [CE T-1:2]
__________________________________________________________
If you enjoyed this story you might enjoy this one!
To learn more about our community of A Course in Miracles students, visit Course Companions.
