We all come into this world in a sacred state of holiness and a yearning for God, free of religious dispositions. However, within weeks of my birth, I was baptized as a Lutheran, the state church of my home country, Denmark. Later in school, religion was drummed into me by a strong-minded teacher in a one-room schoolhouse, who considered it of equal importance to reading, writing and arithmetic.
At age fifteen, I was confirmed as a Christian in a somber ritual that pronounced me a grown-up. The upshot of the occasion was a new set of clothes, but not a release from obligatory attendance at the Sunday morning church service with my parents. Here the pastor never failed to open his sermon with a gloomy reminder of our sinfulness. This inevitably brought tears to the eyes of my mother, who interpreted the loss of her firstborn to a childhood illness as her unforgiveable sin. I was sad to see my chosen religion make my beloved mother so unhappy.
By age eighteen, I mustered the courage to notify my parents that religion was not for me. Instead, I gleefully chose the way of the world, including the childhood dream of moving to America, “land of the free and home of the brave.” When I finally I made it there in my forties, I energetically pursued the naïve immigrant’s American dream to make a fortune and retire to a warm climate. However, a scouting trip to Florida was a disappointment – it was too hot for my Nordic constitution, and, in addition, while many of those I met there had realized the American dream, they were now facing a new concern: “What will run out first, my money or my life?”
In the years that followed, I continued to build the international consulting business my wife and I had started. We were doing well, and as the business matured, I had time on my frequent trips abroad to reflect on the deeper questions of life, “Who am I? Why am I here?” Back home, my wife and I tested out local churches and eventually found a pastor and a congregation we could relate to. We joined the church, where I subsequently was elected to the board of elders.
One day during a private spiritual counselling session with my pastor, he observed, “It appears to me that you have a calling to the ministry.” That was a zinger that sent me into serious discernment. A few months later, I declared to my wife/partner, “I do not want to be in business anymore.” Her heroic response: “I do not know what you are up to, but I do know you are serious. Do what you must do, and I will keep the business going.” A true gift from a loving wife and partner.
The next two years were a blur of changing gears from being a business executive to rolling up my sleeves in working with the homeless in the streets of New York City, ministering to the poor in Appalachia, digging freshwater wells in Nicaragua, organizing a microloan program in the slums of Nairobi, and doing what I could about the looming ecological issues threatening life on this planet.
I was clearly on a mission of social justice, but soon realized that I needed a theological, philosophical, and spiritual foundation to avoid burnout. I found what I needed in a New York City ecumenical seminary dedicated to social justice and inner-city issues. My time in the seminary was a powerful and sobering experience. I went on to serve for 13 years as a pastor at a nearby Presbyterian Church where I observed the rapid decline of the Protestant and Reformed churches, as foreseen by renowned thinkers like Friedrich Nietzsche, Carl Jung, and Karl Marx, with his shocking suggestion that religion is the opiate of the masses.
Jesus was my guiding star, but the gospels of the Bible were only written decades after his death. I came to realize they needed to be critically analyzed to decipher the true meaning of the Jesus message. This is where A Course in Miracles (the Course) came to my rescue. My first introduction to the Course was not ideal. I joined a small weekly reading group which was already half through the Text (the theory) with no clarifying conversation. I dropped out after a few weeks; however, the experience stirred my curiosity, and for many years afterwards, I studied the Text on my own, as well as practicing the lessons of the Workbook (the practice). I only started to make real progress in understanding the Course when I discovered the Complete & Annotated Edition published by the Circle of Atonement and joined the Course Companions community. For the last two years, I have enjoyed two or three Course-based lectures and discussion classes each week.
Unlike the Bible, Jesus is the author of the Course, and he teaches that I must undo the various dogmas, misunderstandings, wrong interpretations, and false perceptions which the world and its various religious structures have imprinted upon it. The Course accomplishes this with its focus on a loving God, the need for universal forgiveness and a replacement of separation with the Atonement. Immersing myself in these teachings and practicing the lessons has enabled me to break down old patterns and perceptions, revealing Jesus’ pathway to a life of peace, joy and harmony in a world currently facing profound existential challenges. I only wish that my mother could have had a similar experience in her life, so her many years of faithful church attendance could have been worshipful interludes of comfort, hope and trust instead of tears.
I am thankful to my pastor who called me to ministry so many years ago. The Course teaches that I can only minister effectively when I acknowledge that I am a holy and sinless Son of God, an inheritance I share with all my brothers and sisters.
[This is the second story Hans has written for “From Church to Course”. This one focuses on his adult years, specifically how his 13 years as a Presbyterian minister led him to A Course in Miracles. See his first story here. The Editor]
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