[Please note: ACIM passages quoted in this article reference the Foundation for Inner Peace (FIP) Edition.]
I have had a miracle. It sneaked up on me unawares and took me by surprise. All of a sudden there it was and my whole world looked different.
I had been struggling for over a week, partially with James’s work situation and partially with my own. I was concerned about our future and feeling overwhelmed with all there is to do and afraid that it was too much for me and I would cave in under the weight.
We had recently come out of the “What is the Ego?” section in the Workbook and I felt as if I had been on quite a ride with the ego, which seemed intent on driving me down into its hellish world. Now, we were in “What is a Miracle?” and I was relating so well to the lessons and practicing them faithfully, yet I seemed to still be in hell, with no miracle anywhere in sight.
Then one day last week, as I was journaling and talking to Jesus, I came face to face with a fear which seemed to be a strong factor in what I was feeling. I thought I was just tired and worn out and had too much to do, but now I realized that this was about something deeper than physical (Isn’t it always?!). As I talked about it with James later, I understood even more.
The next day’s lesson was,
Today the peace of God envelops me,
And I forget all things except His Love,
and I went to bed, giving my sleep to the Holy Spirit and asking to “wake… with miracles correcting my perception of all things” (the first line of that lesson). I must admit that I didn’t really think that overnight I would receive a miracle that could change my fearful, dark perceptions, which sure seemed real and based in fact. I awoke the next morning… with no miracles having corrected my perception even a little (are we surprised?!). After James and I did our morning reading, meditation, and praying of the Lesson’s prayer, I had another talk with Jesus. I knew I couldn’t go on this way. I wasn’t able to see anything clearly. I told God how much I needed Him and asked Him to give me what He knew I needed in this situation. I sincerely prayed that I would feel His peace enveloping me, and I determined to forget all things except His Love. I ended with the statement with which Jesus told Helen and Bill we should begin every day: “Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today.”
I then began my day’s work and within minutes I realized that everything had changed. I felt totally different. I felt completely at peace. I felt God’s Love; there was nothing else. None of the circumstances had changed, nothing in the situations about which I had been so concerned, but my inner state had been totally transformed to one of peace and joy, and I was filled with gratitude and love. I was “in Love.” I truly felt that I had been given a miracle, a gift of God’s grace, totally gratuitous, an answer to my call for love and help.
As I said earlier, all of a sudden there it was. I didn’t even have to do anything. It was exactly as the “What is a Miracle?” section described:
A miracle inverts perception which was upside down before, and thus it ends the strange distortions that were manifest. Now is perception open to the truth” (2:3-4)
I had been asking for a miracle for days and yet nothing had come, but somehow I guess my mind was being made ready for the moment when I would be open to it and it would come.
I sailed through the rest of my day with grace and with ease. I had the last class in my introductory course to prepare for that evening, as well as a handout for the next day’s Workbook lesson, and I also had several other smaller things to attend to. Time somehow dilated and accommodated more than I would have thought possible. Things slipped away that would have made the day more challenging, and I ended up even having time to rest before my evening class. Miracles were being given to me in the exact form I needed, as Lesson 345 said. I needed space; there it was. I needed time; there it was; I needed a helping hand; there it was.
All day long I felt totally contained and carried along in God’s Love and enveloped in His peace. My wondering how this could possibly be quickly gave way to the sense that miracles were my birthright, something I deserved simply by being God’s Son and by His loving me, not something He bestowed upon me because He felt sorry for me. The one view affirmed my magnitude, the other my littleness. (It’s no coincidence that we had discussed “Littleness versus Magnitude” (T-15.III) in our last Sunday evening advent Christmas gathering!) There was no need for tears of relief, but only joyful smiles.
Several days later, I am still filled with peace and joy, and am once again writing a blog with a smile on my face. The ego’s grip has been broken and all I feel is God’s Love.
This is the second time in a month that I have had this kind of instantaneous healing. Each has had a powerful effect on me and this last one has made me even more determined not to let the ego get a foothold in my mind, and to be even more diligent in saying to its “dark glass…, ‘I will not look there because I know these images are not true.'” (T-4.IV.9:2).
As I reread what I have written, I realize that there is a missing element in this story. The day before my miracle day, Amy had sent me a cheerleading, pep-talk email. In it she said, “I’m feeling all fired up today for some reason and something wants to get said from me to you, although I’m not quite sure what it is.” She wrote more later, mostly about our function as the light of the world, and said how inspired she was by a statement from Robert’s commentary on T-14.IV.4:10:
I will not fail in my function of loving in a loveless place.
For thus do I shine away the cloud of guilt in my own mind.
Then she said,
I have a responsibility to conduct my inner life in ways that honor my Creator. I can’t allow lies about my weakness or meanness to take up residence in my mind. Only love belongs there, and all I have to do is stop believing in all the other crap.
These words really hit, and made me see that I had been letting lies about my littleness take up residence in my mind, and was, therefore, was not fulfilling my responsibility to honour God and His Love,
Amy closed with lyrics from the Beach Boys song, “Don’t Worry Baby”: “And if you knew how much I love you, baby, nothing could go wrong for you.” This reminded me instantly of all the references in the Course to “if you only knew.” The song seemed to both address my own doubts and fears and foreshadow the next day’s lesson about forgetting all things except God’s Love.
What I’m getting at is that I think what wanted to get said through Amy to me was from the Holy Spirit. He was using her as the means to reach me. She was there to help open my mind to receiving the miracle that would come to me the very next day! Furthermore, I think the love she expressed to me in her email was a miracle in itself!
Now I am even more in awe of the way God works and how His Holy Spirit will use everything and everyone to help awaken us to the truth!