I had an insight a couple days ago that I hope will prove extremely important for me. It started with me noticing that I’ve formed a habit of responding to the depressing nature of things here. When I feel weighed down with circumstances, I realized I’ve formed a little habit of mentally turning my mind toward the light. Specifically, I think about God, about the fact that He is pure Love and that He loves me, and that because of that, it’s all ultimately OK; my distressing circumstances are nothing in the face of that beautiful reality. I don’t say any words, I just turn my mind in that direction. I turn towards the light and let it fall on my face, so to speak. It holds my mood up and keeps it from sagging.
My insight was that I could do something analogous in relation to people. So much of what oppresses me is people. We are all crazy. We are not rational. And the spiritual ones who tell you how enlightened they are tend to be among the crazier. I’d love to be like Peace Pilgrim and go around exclaiming in joy “Aren’t people wonderful!” But I just don’t feel it. On the surface level, there is a case to be made for the idea that we humans are just savage lions who got big brains, put on smiles, trimmed back our manes, and donned suits, without really changing our predatory nature. We say we care about truth, but when it comes down to it, we mostly just want to kill and eat.
The first part of my insight was how painful this is for me on a daily basis, in two ways. First, I am disappointed in the other person for not being more, for being so shallow, self-centered, lacking in vision and lacking in love. Second, I am disappointed in myself for not loving that person more, for being so judgmental. So the first part of my insight is that I need relief from this chronic, debilitating disappointment. It leaves my peace in shreds.
So why not—and this was the second part of my insight—form a similar habit to the one I described above? When I feel oppressed by how people show up in the dream, why not quickly turn toward the light? Only this time that would mean the light of their true nature. Rather than thinking about how wonderful God is and how He loves me, I would quickly think about how wonderful this person really is, how holy he or she is, how limitless and eternal—how perfectly lovable. I would mentally reference this person’s true nature. It need not take the form of repeating words. It can just be a quick mental habit of turning toward the light of who they really are, and letting that light fall on my face and comfort me.
So right now I’m trying to establish that habit. I’m having to be mechanical about it to start with. I think of someone, feel the pain of my disappointment in them for not being more and in myself for not loving them more. And then I seek relief from that pain by silently saying something like, “You are more than this. You are the Christ.”
My hope, as I said, is to make this an automatic habit. I really want to form that habit, because I really need to.
