by Mary Lucero
All my life I have had a hunger to know God. When I was about eight years old, I remember looking up to the sky and feeling homesick for Heaven. Although I was baptized Catholic, my family did not go to church. One Sunday, I asked my mother if I could go to Mass with our neighbor and she agreed. The first time I entered the church, I felt like I had come home. I attended mass faithfully and made my First Holy Communion and Confirmation. Eventually, I talked my brother and sister into joining me every Sunday.
I loved God so much that, on Saturdays when I went to confession, I would make up sins so I would receive more penance. My misguided thinking was that God would be pleased if I prayed more Hail Marys and Lord’s Prayers. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I never felt good enough to truly please God. I was afraid of going to hell.
After years with the Catholic Church, I started going to a Protestant church and reading the Bible fervently. I attended and led Bible studies and sang in choirs. I still felt I wasn’t good enough, and if the Rapture took place, I would be left behind. Decades later, the Pastor of my church told me that my rebellious daughter was going to hell unless I prayed harder for her. I told him, “I have calluses on my knees from praying so hard for her. If I had to, I would die on a cross so she could be saved. And I know that God loves her even more than I do.” At that moment, I realized God loved me as much as He loved my daughter, and never again did I doubt where I would go when I died — Heaven.
A few years later, I filed for divorce from my husband of 28 years. My church said I did not have biblical grounds for divorce because he had not committed adultery nor physically abused me. I pointed out that his “other woman” was alcohol, and his addiction was so severe that our children and I were subjected to a form of mental abuse. He refused to go to counseling or rehab, and I felt I had no alternative but to leave him because our three daughters and I didn’t need this chaos in our lives. The Church that had been my supportive family and community asked me to step down from all my responsibilities and turned its back on me. After 30 years of faithful service, I had no choice but to leave.
My heart was broken. I found solace by going to the chapel in the hospital close to our house where I could be alone and cry out to God for direction. One day, my middle daughter invited me to visit a local Unity Church where her favorite speaker was going to preach. I enjoyed it so much I became a regular. When I learned that A Course in Miracles (ACIM, the Course) group met in that church, I was curious and went to a meeting to check it out. At that particular meeting, they were going through the Psychotherapy Pamphlet. The material was over my head, and I was totally confused. To make matters worse, a lot of people were sharing personal problems and I felt uncomfortable. I never returned. However, a seed had been planted and I bought the Course book.
Not long after that experience, I felt a need to get away for a week. For some reason, I had always wanted to visit Sedona, AZ, although I did not know a soul there. A friend at Unity Church told me about a guesthouse called “Course Community House” that was dedicated to ACIM and rented rooms to visitors. I booked a room and flew to Sedona bringing with me the Course book I had never opened. It turned out to be the vacation of a lifetime.
Each day teachers from the Circle of Atonement (the Circle) would drop by to teach Text (the theory) and Workbook (the practice) classes. They showed us the proper way to study the Course. At my first meeting, I asked, “Who wrote this book?” The teacher told me that Jesus was the author and Helen Schucman was the scribe. I was skeptical, but as soon as I started reading from the Course, I knew, without a doubt, that this was from Jesus – the same Jesus I have known and loved since childhood and my church days. I was amazed. Here are some of the things Jesus of the Course taught me that week:
- That I was created in God’s image, not an ego image of my own making.
- That I am divine and magnificent, and that judgement, guilt, and shame are not a part of who I am.
- That I am love and I am here to see love and nothing else in myself and others.
- That I am one in God with all my brothers and sisters.
By the end of that week, I had come to love the Course. It taught me that I am an effect of my Father and that can never change. I finally felt totally secure!
I now consider myself a Course student and a Christian. I look back at what brought me to this point and am grateful for every experience, because I realize that the challenges were opportunities to see things differently. I still love and read the Bible but with a different perception. There are so many beautiful scripture references in ACIM, shared in a way that Jesus meant for us to understand them. I am filled with clarity concerning the scripture passages that I had once found confusing. Although I don’t talk about the Course with my Christian family, I ask the Holy Spirit to provide opportunities to share with them ACIM principles and the Course’s take on the scriptures using their Christian language in a way that extends love. There is such a need for Christians to feel non-judged, eternally secure, and that they are magnificent holy sons and daughters of God. Jesus of the Course came to fulfill the Law of Love, telling us that,
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God. [CE In.2:2-4]
I smile when I think that there was a time in my life when I wouldn’t even look at a book like ACIM, for now I totally embrace it. Every day it reminds me that only love is real. Seeing my second husband and my daughters with the eyes of Christ has made a huge change in them and me. When I see them with love, I receive it back tenfold.
_________________________
If you enjoyed this story you might enjoy this one!
Or you may be interested in delving deeper into A Course in Miracles.
